Relational Musical Chairs

I'm shredded! Well, not yet, but I started Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred on Friday. The DVD recommends you do the routine every day, but $@#$ it's hard! I was way too hungover on Saturday to do anything but sit outside with my grandma for several hours so I skipped any form of activity.

My goal is to do the DVD every day. Come on, it's only 23 minutes for the whole routine. Even I can find 23 minutes in the day! I'll come up with some way to track my progress for y'all. I know how annoying it is when you want to try out a program but can't find anyone who's stuck with it or reviewed it past, "Yay, I just got xyz in the mail. Can't wait to try it out!" and then they disappear or you never hear what happened.

I've also adjusted my eating. I'm really, really trying to cut out all the crap. Not because I want to be skinny or even because I think it's a better diet, but because eating processed foods, sugar, caffeine, etc literally is making me sick. I'm not sleeping well, my skin is washed out, and my allergies are going bonkers.

I took the guidelines used by The Biggest Loser to structure a new eating plan. Not necessarily the foods they eat, but the types of foods:
B- 1/2 serving of protein, 1 whole grain, 1 fruit
S- 1/2 protein, 1 fruit
L- 1 protein, 1/2 whole grain, 1 vegetable
S- 1/2 protein, 1 fruit
D- 1/2 protein, 1/2 whole grain, 2 vegetables

I was doing Weight Watchers, but it can be so taxing to constantly wonder how many points are in every blessed morsel I put in my gob. I become obsessive. I'd much rather eat intuitively and reach for healthy food, then wonder how many pieces of pizza I can eat without using all my points. And I *know* that WW has the Filling Foods option, but bleh, I'm not digging the rigidity right now.

As for the Music Man. Sigh. No, we did not have a date this past weekend. At least not by my standards of what I think dating is. Who knows these days?! Where are the men who are interested in getting to know you and want to pursue the possibility that the two of you could be in a relationship? Do those men exist? Or do they all simply want to "hang out as friends w/ benefits?" Yup, I've managed to find yet another man who simply wants my friendship with a 'happy ending'...

Sorry, that was a little explicit, but I'm frustrated. And NO, I did not give him a happy ending! Well, at least not the one you're probably thinking. Hope his guitar can keep him warm at night, 'cuz this hot bitch won't be doing it. Anymore...

Oh well, back to focusing on me, getting in shape & being smokin' hot. Men who can't see past themselves and their own ambition can suck it! :D

*Okay, so I know I sound mad and like I'll never see him again, but that's not true. He really is a wonderful person and I fully intend to have him in my life. He's beyond talented & his music demo is being released in a few weeks, so I can't say I blame him for being hyper-focused now that his dream is being realized... Timing, no?

FGFO

Where have I been? Where have I been??

I've been having a Fat Girl Freak Out! I'm pretty sure that term originated at dietgirl.org and is also self-explanatory.

So much has happened in the past month. Where to even begin??
The musician and I have hung out a few times. We have a date this weekend as well. At least I think it's a date. How do people date these days? I'm so used to "hanging out" with guys that dating has become a convoluted thing.

So what's with the FGFO? Well, lover boy has a beautiful pool at his house, and here in N. America the next few months are an excuse to wear as little clothing as possible. BODY ISSUES ALERT!

I'd rather he see me naked (which he hasn't) than parade around in a bathing suit. I know that's bass ackwards, but I can't help it -- I'm a nutcase!

So of course I'm doing the OhMyGodHeMightSeeMeNakedOrInABathingSuitSoon exercise and eating schedule. I'm exhausted. I know it might not be the healthiest, but I'm tired of jeopardizing my happiness because I'm uncomfortable in my own skin.

I'm tired of my fat ass getting everything it wants and my heart getting nothing. Le sigh. Somebody pass me a rice cake and bottle of water! ;)